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"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier,
there's no question about it."

Presented in no particular disorder.

"I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."

On Hurricane Katrina, September 1, 2005

To recently resigned FEMA director Michael Brown while touring hurricane-ravaged Mississippi:

"Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

On Hurricane Katrina, September 2, 2005

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

August 5, 2004

"Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed."

May 1, 2003

"Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere.

March 24, 2004

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace."

June 18, 2002

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."

September 13, 2001

I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."

March 13, 2002

"As all of us saw on television, there is also some deep, persistent poverty in this region as well."

On Hurricane Katrina, Sept. 2005

"It is now clear that a challenge on this scale requires greater federal authority."

On Hurricane Katrina, Sept. 2005

"My thoughts are, we're going to get somebody who knows what they're talking about when it comes to rebuilding cities."

On Hurricane Katrina, Sept. 2005

"It was not a normal hurricane."

On Hurricane Katrina, Sept. 2005

"We will stay on the defensive against these people."

On Iraq, August 2005

"Embryonic stem cell research destroys a life. I am the first president to fund embryonic stem cell research."

Second Debate with Kerry, 2004

"I hear there's rumors on the, uh, Internets."

Second Debate with Kerry, 2004

"Too many OBGYNs are unable to practice their love for women all over this country."

Campaign Trail, 2004

"I need to be able to move the right people to the right place at the right time to protect you, and I'm not going to accept a lousy bill out of the United Nations Senate."

South Bend, IN., October 31, 2002

"The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production."

Washington, D.C., January 22, 2003

"When Iraq is liberated, you will be treated, tried and persecuted as a war criminal."

Washington, D.C., January 22, 2003

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself."

Grand Rapids, MI, January 29, 2003

"You're free. And freedom is beautiful. And, you know, it'll take time to restore chaos and order . . . order out of chaos. But we will."

Washington, D.C., April 13, 2003

"Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometime until we get an objective analysis."

Meet The Press, April 15, 2000

""If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign."

Hilton Head, S.C., Feb. 16, 2000

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

Greater Nashua, N.H., January 27, 2000

"How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?"

Beaufort, S.C., February 16, 2000

Bush Blast from the past:
"You fucking son of a bitch. I saw what you wrote. We're not going to forget this."

Bush to writer and editor Al Hunt, 1988

"Then I went for a run with the other dog and just walked. And I started thinking about a lot of things. I was able to - - I can't remember what it was. Oh, the inaugural speech, started thinking through that."

U.S. News & World Report, Jan. 22, 2001

"The liberal media and many of the pundits said I was stupid . . . They misunderestimated me."

Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

"Dick Cheney and I do not want this nation to be in a recession. We want anybody who can find work to be able to find work."

60 Minutes II, Dec. 5, 2000

"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease."

Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

"I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine labor secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified."

Austin, Texas, Jan. 8, 2001

"There is a role for government, but I understand how limited it is."

The White House, March 16, 2001

"Education is a priority, and we need to focus on education. But I also remember where I came from."

The White House, March 16, 2001

"We're concerned about AIDS in our White House, make no mistake about it."

Washington, D.C., February, 2001

"I am mindful of the difference between the executive branch and the legislative branch. I assured all four of these leaders that I know the difference, and that difference is they pass the laws and I execute them."

Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2000

"As far as the legal hassling and wrangling and posturing in Florida, I would suggest you talk to our team in Florida led by Jim Baker."

Bush to reporters in Crawford, Texas, Nov. 30, 2000

On Gore's tax plan:
"It's going to require numerous IRA agents."

Greensboro, NC, October 10, 2000

Yes, he really said this:
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

Saginaw, MI, September 29, 2000

From Gore/Bush Debate One:
"Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it."

National Television, October 3, 2000

Asked if he'd take anything back said in the first debate:
"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions . . . I can't answer your question."

Reynoldsburg, OH, October 4, 2000

"We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile."

Somewhere on the campaign trail.

"Unfairly but truthfully, our party has been tagged as being against things. Anti-immigrant, for example. And we're not a party of anti-immigrants. Quite the opposite. We're a party that welcomes people."

Cleveland, OH, July 1, 2000

"I'm for the fight against the war on breast cancer."

To Gabe Pressman in an interview on NBC Television.

"If elected, I won't treat Social Security like it's some kind of Federal Program."

George W. Bush on the stump in Des Moines, Iowa.

More Quotes

"I've been a Yankee fan ever since Mickey Maris broke Yogi Bear's home run record in 1961."

Hillary before an embarassed gathering of sports writers in Cooperstown, New York.

"Newt who? Contract on . . . er . . for America? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

Lazio responding to tough questioning by Tim Russert on Meet the Press.

"Elian's should stay in the United States with his Miami kidnap . . . ahh . . relatives. On the other hand, his father has rights too. Of course, there are also those . . ."

Al Gore speaking to reporters at a recent press conference.

"Who's the Yankee Clipper? I think that was Red Barber. . . No, wait, it was Sal 'The Barber' Magglie. . . No, wait . . . It was one of George Steinbrenner's sailing ships."

Hillary before an embarassed gathering of sports writers in Cooperstown, New York.

"I have every intention of inviting Governor Bush to campaign with me . . . No, Tim, my toes are not crossed, so you can stop peeking under the table."

Lazio responding to tough questioning by Tim Russert on Meet the Press.

"The defining moment in my life was leaving my farm in Missouri to go to college in Princeton."

Bill Bradley on Meet the Press one week before his dismal showing in the Iowa Caucauses.

"It's principles that count, and I'm sticking to that even though these honkie redneck Republicans wouldn't vote for a Black man even if he was Jesus Christ himself."

Alan Keyes speaking to cafeteria workers at Bob Jones University.

"I think you have to be decent." But being decent, he added, "doesn't mean you're a pansy."

Lazio in a recent CBS Evening News interview by reporter Diana Olick.

"I feel like Luke Skywalker about to ram my magic glowing sword up Darth Vader's ass."

John McCain speaking a group of proctologists at a medical convention in Iowa City.

"I feel like Darth Vader getting one of those magic glowing swords rammed up my ass."

George W. Bush speaking to a group of proctologists at a medical convention in Iowa City.

"I'm born again, Jay, so Republicans be forwarned. I breathe fire and I spit gas. You mess with me, I'll kick your ass."

Al Gore tooling his new image on the Jay Leno show.  



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All content on The New York Slime web site is intended solely as political satire and social commentary, and constitutes protected free speech under the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States. Quotes and circumstances attributed to celebrities and politicians, living or dead, are fictional and strictly for laughs.