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McCain Prays for Terror Attack Deliverance

Republican presidential candidate John McCain leads the Tennessee congregation of the "End Time Penticostal Confederate Church of Nathan Bedford Forrest" in a prayer of Deliverance if America is attacked again before the November 2008 election.


By Michael Castellano

It has long been believed by Republican pundits that Osama bin Laden's video tape in October of 2004 helped George Bush defeat Senator John Kerry. John McCain is apparently also a true believer in the doctrine that when the masses vote their fears, they vote Republican.

Beginning last week, McCain launched a nationwide "Pray for Terror Attack Deliverance" campaign in Republican friendly churchs across the country. Officially, the McCain campaign claims they are praying against their being another major terror attack against America. According to McCain, "We are not praying for an attack, we are praying against their being attack because we are concerned that our enemies may be calculating that a change in White House leadership may create opportunities for them. If they think the response may be a weak one, they will be more likely to attack."

McCain vehemently denied that he was suggesting that the election of Barrack Obama as president would be welcomed by terrorists. "I think they take a look at Obama's last name, which rhymes with 'Osama', and his middle name, which he shares with Saddam Hussein, and think 'This guy's one of us, we can get away with anything.' Now I believe they are wrong, but the perception is there nonetheless."

Onward Christian Soldiers
McCain closes each of his church speeches with a rousing 50 member choir rendition of "Onward Christian Soldiers," which he personally leads.

Afterwards, patriotic movies are shown outside in a large portable tent, which include "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon," "Drums Along the Mohawk," "Rogers Rangers," "The Green Berets," and "Gunga Din." When he was asked why "Gunga Din," a movie about the British army slaughering rebellious nationalists in India, was being included McCain said, "I just love the part where Sam Jaffe (he was playing the loyal native water boy) gets up and blows the buggle and saves his comrads. Amazing what a little shoe polish can do."

When questioned as to what else he would do to prevent another terror attack, McCain offered, "I believe the best defense is an aggressive offense. Get them before they get us. When elected I will pursue a get tough policy and declare open war against terrorists and terrorist nations like Iran, Cuba, and France. We will prevail, even if it takes a hundred years."   


   


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