In the true tradition of Fiorello LaGuardia, Major Rudy Giuliani launched a scathing attack against 'racist and partisan GOP politics.'
Surrounded my microphones and members of the press, and still dressed in drag after returning from an appearance at a Broadway Stage show, the Mayor lashed out yesterday against "the racial insensitivities of using only Indian elephants as the party's symbol."
Former Mayor David Dinkins and other Giuliani critics pointed to low approval ratings in the African American community as the real reason for his sudden affinity for riding elephants. Dinkins, who according to one unnamed Giuliani source is now employed as a washroom attendant, was livid with the Major.
Apparently responding to Dinkins, Giuliani angrily shot back, "I've ridden African elephants, Indian elephants, Burmese elephants, Italian elephants, Jewish elephants, you name it, I rode it. What's he ridden lately? A limousine on the way to a tennis match?"
When one reporter interjected that she never heard of a Jewish or Italian elephant, Giuliani banished her permanently from City Hall. "The only two people in the world who can criticize me and get away with it are the Pope and David Letterman. And you ain't either of them." Another reporter was dragged out and later drawn and quartered when he announced it was the Major himself who was the 'anonymous source' of rumors that Dinkins now cleans floors in a Port Authority washroom.
"Of course," the Mayor replied. "It's an honor to meet with a direct descendent of one of the greatest Italians to ever walk this earth. Her old man may have had a few bad ideas, but he certainly knew how to make the trains run on time."
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