Mystery Disease Strikes
Court TV Hosts
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta sought to calm fears in the wake of the strange disorder which appeared to be spreading among day time broadcasters at the Court TV channel. Nancy Grace was the first to succumb during a live television broadcast, when her vocal chords "locked up" as she later described, and she was unable to complete saying Scott Peterson's last name.
Peterson Syndrome? Interviewed from her hospital bed later that evening, and still unable to say Peterson's name, a shaken Grace told the Slime, "It was like Pe . . . Pe . . . err . . . it was like I saw in my mind a picture of him dressed as Santa Claus, you know, the way John Wayne Gacy used to dress up before he murdered all those kids. And he was reaching out from the grave or something and squeezing my throat." Peterson, who is not dead, was convicted of the first degree murder of his wife Laci last Friday, and faces a separate proceeding next week to detemine whether he will get life without parole of the death penalty by lethal injection.
Twelve Shows on Poured Concrete
Other featured topics included a dozen programs on poured concrete, six on Scott Peterson's finances, eight on Peterson's disguise, and forty two devoted to the Amber Fry/Scott Peterson phone tapes. Sources also have informed the Slime that a law suite by the Peterson family demanding royalties from Court TV is in the works, and will be filled after the trial is over.
66,666 an Unlucky Number?
In an exclusive Slime interview, Dr. Mothra Crockpot of the CDC sought to calm public fears of the disease spreading. "I don't think this is infectious in a true sense, because it does not appear to be caused by a bacteria or virus. I've been reviewing videos of Court TV programming, and with the aid of some special equipment I discovered that Nancy Grace had spoken Scott Peterson's name for the 66,666th time over the last six months when the problem arose." Crockpot, who has been with the CDC for twenty-two years, explained to the Slime that, "The brain has a phonetic sound barrier, or word repetition limit if you prefer, on how many times you can say a certain phrase or word in a given period of time. And after you reach that limit, the body's self-defense mechanism kicks in and prevents you from saying the phrase again. With rest and a few months off from trying to say 'Scott Peterson" she and the others should be fine." Asked why Allred was apparently immune to the mystery syndrome, Dr. Crockpot said, "We are not sure, but it appears that individuals who have an abnormal craving for public attention and are addicted to sticking their faces in front of a camera every chance they get have some sort of resistance to it. From what I know of her history, Ms. Allred seems like the last person on earth that would have to worry about this problem."
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While Grace recovered almost immediately, her vocal chords froze a second time when she was unable to even get past Peterson's first name. Grace also complained about getting stomach pains after making gratuitous overtures of sympathy to crime victims while simultaneously making blatant insinuations that defendents still on trial and still presumed innocent were guilty. Doctors said they did not believe the stomach pains were related to her speech difficulties.
The next day, Court TV announcers Lisa Bloom and James Curtis also came down with the mysterious illness. Again the pattern was the same, as Bloom and Curtis first grabbed their throats when trying to pronounce Peterson's last name, and then later in the show were unable to even pronounce Peterson's first name. Support staff also began reporting similar difficulties, and had to resort to writing Peterson's name on large oak tag poster boards. The ticker tape news banner which runs across the bottom of the TV screen was unaffected.
The mystery illness, which has been dubbed "Peterson Syndrome" by the media, ended what appeared to be a record breaking Scott Peterson ratings bonanza for the station, which regularly featured dozens of legal experts talking at great length and in intmate detail about absolutely nothing of consequence. In an effort to save the day, the station brought in nationally known attorney Gloria Allred, a frequent guest on the day time shows who exceeded even the regular hosts in her animous for Peterson and his attorney, Mark Geragos.